Sometimes you fail.
It's not always so epically displayed for all to see, as I did today.
But like it or not, we fail.
This is a difficult concept for me. I have a reputation as Super Mom, Mom of Twins. My girls are four years old now. I can handle most of the drama they give me. But then I remember my son when he turned four. He went through a huge "battle of the will, I want to be in charge" stage. In hind sight, I should've seen it coming.
We've been going to the Gym for a few weeks now. The twins play in the childcare center while I exercise on an elliptical EFX machine for about 40 minutes. We started the experience with holding hands, but lately, they've broken free of my grip and rushed alone on their own. Now that they're older, they have set locations they run to (the automatic door button and the statues).
Fast forward to today. I also had my 6yo son with us, since school cancelled. We went to our doctor appointment for the twins without event, until it was time to head home. Ella did not want to go home; she wanted to see the doctor again. She yanked her hand free and ran away from the car. I left my son and other daughter at the car, assuming they'd get in. Mistake. While I carried Ella, kicking and screaming literally, Addy wandered around the front of the van while my son got in. No sign of Addy. Now I was scared.
Luckily, another van waited for me to exit my parking spot and helped me corral her back in the van without losing Ella again. I have no idea what look was on my face, but the lady said, "It's okay. She's here. She's fine." I thanked her and returned to strapping in the dragon-screeching Ella after Addy was strapped in. I drove out as quickly and safely as I could and bawled the whole way home.
I am human, flawed, and sometimes I fail--my expectations, society's, my children's, husband's, family's, etc. It breaks me, but then it makes me take a good, hard look at myself.
How can I be a better mom? I can become complacent, and this challenged me to work harder in certain areas, like consistency and consequences.
(That's all my headache will allow for now)