Thursday, October 3, 2013

Struggling with Doubt

Hi, everyone!  The reason it's been so long since I've written?  I've been wrestling with doubt.  From the other blogs and posts I have seen, I'm not the only one. 

It started with asking my husband to read my first five pages.  No response.  Then, "it's good."  I know people say not to have your spouse critique your stuff.  But I wanted an honest, male opinion.  I resorted to starting a fight with him, so he'd tell me really what he thought.  "It's too choppy.  Hard to follow.  I don't really care about your character."  I completely disagreed.  I finally got him to talk about it.  Once his irritation with me subsided, he asked me question after question about what was going on.  Finally, he said, "Now, that sounds interesting." Ultimately, I needed to bring in more comparisons with his first memories, plug more of the plot into my opening scene, and understand his frustration was feeling cut off from what was really going on.

Then, I took a look at the manuscript as a whole.  All my creative juices seeped through all the holes.  My passion to tell the story fizzled out.  I put it down and out of mind.  Also, I got really busy.  We're talking 8 hour worship retreat and practice.  Fighting over our drama's script for Sunday with my husband, which we were also starring in.  But when I went to bed, the story kept coming.  I lived through the next scene and the next scene.  I became desperate to write a scene that comes later.  So the next couple days I submerged myself in being Mommy with no distractions and then outlining during nap time.  Can you believe it?  Me, a "pantser" style writer, COMPLETED an outline.  And just in time.  The next morning was my writing day.

Finally, on my writing day, I opened my outline, labeled a new Word document with the number in the outline, and disappeared in my writing.  End result was 2,700 words. Not bad.  It has really helped me to take tiny sections of scenes and work on those.

Today, my only goals were to do my work searches, pay the bills, and get everything ready for the small group I lead.  In addition, I also wrote this post on my blog.  It's everyday small victories that lead you to large ones.  And it's your friends and support who keep you going.  Besides, it's God who gives me the ideas and scenes.  My job is to do my

1 comment:

  1. Hi Karen,
    Great post. I know now you feel. It’s tough getting feedback from those you trust most, especially when they may not share your passion the way you do. I recently sent my husband my entire manuscript to read in his free time on the road. I have not heard a word about it since, so maybe he doesn’t have any comments or just had no free time. I hope it’s the latter because it maybe just as well … he doesn’t read anything but computer programming-type books. Just keep at it and do what you love. I’m glad to hear about your outline. It helps when you’re not sure. I can’t tell you how many times I have outlined and re-created my first chapter. Then when I finally get it to a decent place, the person I had critique it, (a published author) tells me to rearrange it along with my first 4 chapters. Very frustrating! Don’t get down and keep up your awesome work!
    Musketeer Robin