Sometimes You Fail

Sometimes you fail.
It's not always so epically displayed for all to see, as I did today.
But like it or not, we fail.

This is a difficult concept for me. I have a reputation as Super Mom, Mom of Twins. My girls are four years old now. I can handle most of the drama they give me. But then I remember my son when he turned four. He went through a huge "battle of the will, I want to be in charge" stage. In hind sight, I should've seen it coming.

We've been going to the Gym for a few weeks now. The twins play in the childcare center while I exercise on an elliptical EFX machine for about 40 minutes. We started the experience with holding hands, but lately, they've broken free of my grip and rushed alone on their own. Now that they're older, they have set locations they run to (the automatic door button and the statues).

Fast forward to today. I also had my 6yo son with us, since school cancelled. We went to our doctor appointment for the twins without event, until it was time to head home. Ella did not want to go home; she wanted to see the doctor again. She yanked her hand free and ran away from the car. I left my son and other daughter at the car, assuming they'd get in. Mistake. While I carried Ella, kicking and screaming literally, Addy wandered around the front of the van while my son got in. No sign of Addy. Now I was scared.

Luckily, another van waited for me to exit my parking spot and helped me corral her back in the van without losing Ella again. I have no idea what look was on my face, but the lady said, "It's okay. She's here. She's fine." I thanked her and returned to strapping in the dragon-screeching Ella after Addy was strapped in. I drove out as quickly and safely as I could and bawled the whole way home.

I am human, flawed, and sometimes I fail--my expectations, society's, my children's, husband's, family's, etc. It breaks me, but then it makes me take a good, hard look at myself.

How can I be a better mom? I can become complacent, and this challenged me to work harder in certain areas, like consistency and consequences.

(That's all my headache will allow for now)

My Whole30 Journey: Day 31

It's over.

My 30 days of dieting--the first I've ever done--finished last night. To celebrate, I went to a new hairstylist and chopped my hair (it was halfway down my back). Now I have a reverse bob that only goes to my chin in the front. But I love it.

Last night, I accepted the cookies and candy my small group offered and tucked them away to enjoy today. But the truth is: I still intend to follow the habits I've formed in the past 30 days. I plan to eat eggs and bacon for breakfast, one of my Paleo breakfast scramble meals for lunch (with some grilled potatoes and an orange), and something else appropriate for dinner. But it'll be nice to enjoy a few treats I desperately missed--oh, chocolate most of all!

Okay, now for the numbers.

Weight:

Before: 145

Now: ...

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135

That's right. I lost 10 pounds. Would I like to get down to 130? Maybe, but that's more than I expected to lose. My waist size has improved slightly, but I didn't really notice a change in my stomach. Though hubby insists he can tell.

Goodbye, Whole30.

Welcome, new life. Maybe Paleo.

But the important thing is...I did it!

MW30 Experience: Yes, I'm still here: D24

Yes, I'm on Day 24.
No, I haven't quit or slipped.
I just am sick of dieting.

I'm pathetic, I know. It's my first time doing a diet at all. I've always had a high metabolism and active lifestyle, so the only time I've gained a whole lot of weight was when I was pregnant (second time with twins, mind you). And now you probably hate me. Sorry.

I'm really enjoying the detox (the results of, not the experience) and eating healthier. I do enjoy cooking, and I've learned lots of new foods I like and how to cut vegetables.

But...it's not realistic that I'll be able to cook every meal. And when I do--or my husband does--there's so many dirty pots and pans to clean. It's exhausting, especially when you're not getting much help from the others in your home.

I've learned a lot about myself in the process. First of which is if I don't like my options at home or don't feel up to cooking, I will just skip that meal entirely. Most days, I'm averaging only one (maybe two) large meals a day with a couple snacks throughout the day (mainly clementines, apples, almonds, bananas with almond butter, and baby carrots). But I find when I'm hungry, I need to drink more water, and that really helps.

So today's stats:
Breakfast: a banana and turkey sausage patty
Lunch: (tried Wendy's, and the cashier did not know how to ring up just a meat patty--grrr)
1/4 lb patty, garden salad (no tomatoes or cucumbers), apple slices (I cut up and mixed in salad).
Still hungry, so I drank some water and some coffee.
Dinner: we're taking kids out, so it'll be interesting.

Going out to eat on the diet is the most frustrating part. And having no energy to cook lunch or dinner after watching children. And being alone, which I will be for the weekend again.

A week from today, I will celebrate the end of my diet. I can not wait!

MW30 Journey: Days 13: All Alone

I'm gonna start off with a little insight into these two days.

My husband is away this weekend for his alternating weekend, full-time MBA final semester. So I'll be alone with the kids--alone with the food in my house and no one but YOU to keep me accountable. Thankfully, I haven't stocked up on my old weekend treats like Ben and Jerry's ice cream (Salted Caramel Core and Half Baked), though it will be difficult to watch my kids enjoy their pizza and cinnamon sticks.

Day 13:

Out of eggs, almond butter, and apples. So sad. :(

Breakfast: Bacon and oranges

Snack: Banana and almonds

I really need to branch out on my snacks.

Lunch: heated up leftover filling to the stuffed peppers (ground beef, yellow squash, greens, mushrooms) and served it on top of a big pile of Spring Mix greens.

Went grocery shopping--yay--but couldn't find almond butter. :( 

My bestie is coming to the rescue.

Super hungry now.

Dinner: Walnut-Crusted Pork Chops

MW30 Journey: Days 10-11

Day 10: "Famous Quit Day I"
Worked at 6 a.m., so there was no freshly prepared breakfast.
Breakfast: banana with a spoonful of almond butter
Feeling like myself again.
Lunch: cooked some mushrooms and cucumbers in oil and then added some leftover chicken.
Delicious and fairly full. A reminder I need to drink more water.
More energy.
Dinner: the last of chili :(
Dessert: banana and last of the almond butter :(

Day 11:"THE Worst Day"
Irritable and hungry, but busy.
Breakfast: bacon and an orange
Lunch: soup and a banana
Writing day!
Snack: black coffee (eh)
Dinner: stuffed peppers

Desperately need to go to the store. Coming up tomorrow--Walnut-Crusted Pork Chops.

MW30 Journey: Day 8-9

I'm getting a little behind on these.

Day 8:
Headache--this weather isn't helping me either.
Breakfast: banana and orange
Lunch: fish cooked in ghee, apples and almond butter
Snack: almonds and oranges
More energy--cleaned entire kitchen and prepared chili (which involved lots of chopping/dicing vegetables)
Dinner: THE AMAZING WHOLE 30 CHILI--YUM! 2 bowls.
Snack: apples and almond butter
More energy

Day 9:
Sleepy
Breakfast: orange, scrambled eggs and bacon
2 hour delay, so took son to school at 9 and went to the Gym for 45 minutes
Lunch: McDonalds--quarter pound patty, side salad (no dressing or tomato), apple slices
Writing Day (yay!)--black coffee
Still not getting use to the black coffee or other types of eggs (still like scrambled)
A little energy, so I cleaned the kitchen again.
Dinner: (from Nom Nom Paleo) "Uova in Purgatorio" or "Eggs in purgatory"
This is Italian pork sausage, (whole 30 approved) marinara, and sliced mushrooms dished into miniature baking pots. Then you crack an egg on top and let it cook in the oven for about 15 minutes.
Not a fan of the egg (we overcooked it a little), but the rest was delicious.
Dessert: banana with a small spoonful of almond butter
Ready for bed by 10:30 p.m. which is a little early for me, but I felt full and satisfied.

Rumor has it (today) Day 10 and 11 are the worst.
Great. :(

MW30: Days 6&7

Day 6:
So sleepy. Killer headache. Super cranky.
Breakfast: Scrambled eggs, bacon, banana, orange
Super busy afternoon
Lunch: skipped
Snack: Apple slices dipped in almond butter
Late dinner, so predinner snack: one quarter lb. patty from McD's and apple slices
Super cranky.
Dinner at Outback: 8 oz. Sirloin, dry baked potato, mixed veggies (yellow squash and carrots)
Sleepy again by midnight.

Day 7:
Sleepy but feeling pretty good.
Breakfast: scrambled eggs, bacon
Lunch: steak, apples and almond butter
Think I've had enough red meat.
Dinner: Pot roast with potatoes and celery (missed carrots; don't know how)
Sleepy, ready for bed early.